I don't know how else to describe the feeling.  It happened Friday afternoon.  I had gone to Tulsa to visit the daughter and those precious babies.  When I arrived, the daughter and hubby were with the boys.  I joined them for a while.  While in the NICU  they were trying to soothe Braedy and get his pacifier to stay in.  They were using a cloth diaper to prop it in his mouth and I made the comment that maybe that might not be a good idea to leave a loose cloth close to the baby's face.......but they were determined to do it anyways.  Well the nurse came over, rolled up the cloth and placed it under the pad the baby was on.  I had let the incident go.  But.............later that afternoon in the daughter's room the son-in-law proceeds to tell me that they did not appreciate my interfering and would not be open to any advice in the future.  They wanted to make their own mistakes raising their kids.  I just about felt the floor drop from under me.  I am someone who has made it a point not to stand in their way, or tell them how to do things with these new babies.  I could not believe what I was hearing.  What they were saying is something that should never be said to anyone!!!!!  The fact that they thought I needed to be informed of this is what really hurt!!  I did not get mad but, I was devastated........I spent the next hour or so not saying anything for fear I would come across as being bossy according to them.  They have put me in a difficult position--one where I will not be able to say or do anything around them or those babies because I might offend them.  And they cannot understand why I would feel this way.  They want the freedom to express their feelings without dealing with the consequences of how it makes the other person feel.    I told the daughter I was not going to "walk on eggshells" around her or anyone else.  They could take me as I am or not at all.  I also told her I would not be back, and I would not be coming to their home when the babies get to come home.  But..........if she needs me, all she has to do is ask and I would be there for her.  I guess this is what you would call the "straw that broke the camel's back".  I feel now that they are their own family and they will have to deal with their own problems without leaning on mom so much.  They even told me that I am the one who has been and is always there for them and why they thought they had to tell me all this is beyond me.  All I know is it hurt then and it still hurts.  I was telling Ritzy and my mom that I don't even feel like I have any grandkids right now.  I want to be there with them and for them...... and now I have been put in the position that I can't do or say anything. 
I just hope all this works out soon.............Ritzywife out!

Those precious grandsons were born last night.  I am one happy woman!!!!!  They are so beautiful!!!!

                                                                            Braedy - 5 lbs.
They were a little early, but are doing very good.  The daughter is doing great.  The boys have to have a little help with air and have not actually eaten yet but that is just because of their age - 34 weeks 3 days.  Keri did a wonderful job and tried her best but these little guys were not waiting.    They looked a lot better today.  The daughter is doing wonderful.  I am so proud of her.  She and her hubby now have their own little family to start all sorts of memories.  This grandma is going to be busy doing a LOT of spoiling and loving on these two little boys.  I can hardly wait to hold them.  That new rocking chair is just sitting there in Ritzywife's living room waiting on them. 
All the excitement last evening sure made for a long night.  I am getting pretty tired and am planning on going back down to Tulsa in the morning with my mom, so I had better get some rest.  I'll keep ya posted.  Ritzywife out.....................

Here is is 3 weeks later and I am still having to deal with the anxiety.  I have seen my Dr and he seems to think it was the tremendous stress I was under on or Wisconsin trip.  I have started back on my Lexapro.  I wish it would hurry and kick in.  Have been taking it for 6 days now.  I have had a couple of good days where I felt fine, but the rest of the time it has been rough.  I was able to go with the daughter yesterday to see the babies.  They are beautiful, even on the ultrasound.  She and the babies are doing good.  She found out yesterday that the "feelings" she has been experiencing are Braxton-Hicks contractions.  Her technician pointed out that little fact to her.  I told her that her body is just practicing for the delivery. 
It's really hard to focus on everyday life when a person is going thru this kind of problem.....I spent the whole day outside because I felt trapped and alone in my own home.  Our minds can play tricks on us.  I still think it could be hormonal because of my age.  The Dr wants me back in 2 weeks for a fasting blood test. 
A friend called today and invited me to run around with her tomorrow.  I jumped at the invite......I am looking forward to it.  Was talking to Ritzy tonight and told him how good it felt to have something scheduled to do right now.  I am going with him on Friday to cut wood.  I don't care were I  go, it beats staying home alone at this time. 
One of these days soon I will be back to my "old" self.  And yes I said old..........
And..............Ritzywife is out!!

That's about the only way I know to describe what has been going on in Ritzywife's life the past couple weeks.  We made the trip to Wisconsin.  Ritzy and I decided the best thing to do was for all of us to drive back together.  We did drive all the way back (830 miles) in one day.  The day (Wednesday)  after we got back Ritzy and I had business to take care of and I was fine.  Wednesday nite we went to church.  I was taking my bath that nite when all of a sudden I felt like I was gonna pass out and started feeling panicky.  I have had panic attacks before and that is what this felt like.  I also am at the age where things are starting to change and could not tell if this was a "hot flash" or not.  After that happened I just felt anxious and could not get calmed down.   I have been dealing with this for the last 10 or so days.  I must say the past couple of days I have felt like myself, which is a very welcome feeling. 
To anyone who has ever suffered a panic attack, I don't have to describe anything further.  To anyone who has never gone thru this, I don't know if you could ever understand no matter how much I talked about it.
I suppose that the rushed trip to and from Wisconsin had something to do with it.  I was nervous about the whole trip because the kids were in a separate vehicle.  I know that produced a LOT of stress for me.  That has to come out somehow.  I had been off and on with the anxiety until a couple days ago when, like I said before I finally started feeling "normal".....I have cut out caffeine and  most sugar to see if I feel better.  Can't deal with the feeling the caffeine gives me now.

We had our Sweetheart Dinner at a Steakhouse in Tulsa last nite.  There were 20 adults present and everyone said they had a good time and the food was good.   I didn't know if I was going to be able to pull that off, considering the way I was feeling last week, but we did it. 

This coming week should be  less stressful.  I have been invited to a friend's house to come work on their woodworking machines.  I am going to take them up on the offer.  I love working with wood.

I am also getting very excited for those soon to be born grandbabies.  I think their parents have gotten things ready at home ;-)

That's about all I can come up with right now...Ritzywife out!

Ritzy's Dad passed away Thursday night.  Right now our family which consists of ----Ritzy, myself, our son, our very pregnant (30 weeks with twins) daughter and her hubby----is in Northern Illinois for the night to get rested up to finish the trip to Appleton, Wisconsin tomorrow.  "Dad's" service is Monday morning.  It was a sudden illness.  We are all doing ok.  It has been a long day with all that sitting in the truck.  Only 4 or so driving hours  remaining of the trip.  After the service Monday, the "kids" are planning to leave Tuesday morning and  drive all the way thru without stopping for the night.  It is about 830 miles from our home to Appleton.  That makes for a long one-day trip.   The daughter has a Dr's appointment Wednesday morning that she does not want to miss.   My wish would be for us to travel home together but, we will just have to wait and see. 
I have been pretty busy and no time for "goofing off" on here ;-)
The daughter is doing great and that tummy of hers is beautiful.  Those babies sure are growing and getting active.
Before leaving, I fixed the church bulletin for tomorrow, took care of business for the church.  I even called the preacher and told him that the piano player (Ritzywife) was not going to be at church this Sunday due to these circumstances. Someone else will have to make copies of the bulletin, teach ladies sunday school class, play piano, etc....
I am now sitting in the hotel room, listening to the tv,  and I also hear  Ritzy snoring.........I guess it is time I get some rest also.
Ritzywife out!..............................

That may sound strange, but that is what I have spent most of the week dealing with and thinking about.  Mine and other's choices.  I am going to guess that we make hundreds if not thousands of choices each day------  Am I going to get out of bed, what am I going to have for breakfast, what am I going to wear.......you get the picture. Then there are other choices such as------am I going to stay single or get married, am I going to have children or not, what kind of job do I want, am I going to college, Those are pretty easy choices, but then -  there are some that are not so easy,  am I going to be a gossip today, am I going to treat my family and friends the way I want to be treated, am I going to make a (good or bad)  difference in someone's life today.............
Yeah, this past week I was "called on" more than once to go clean up someone else's mess.  I tried my best, but the result remains to be seen.  People do not stop to think about what they are getting ready to say or do.  I am not gonna say I am perfect, cause I know I am not, but I am also not going to act like I am either.  If I mess up, I try to "make things right".  Some people think they are justified in their thinking or in the way they feel  and are not about to change for anyone.  That kind of person cannot be helped.  
I also had some good times this week also.  I was able to spend some time with our very pregnant daughter (28 weeks with twins).  She and her hubby treated me to lunch.  That was so sweet of them.  After eating, the hubby went to work and we started shopping (isn't that the way it works, haha!)  Anyways, she needed some stuff and I didn't think twice about getting it for her.  I remember how hard it was starting out.   I love my kids and will do anything I can for them.
When it was time for me to leave we said our good-byes and I left, not thinking anything about what I had just done.  This brings me to explain what the preacher's sermon was about last Sunday--------it was about going the extra mile for people without complaining or expecting anything in return or anything extra.  He called it -  going  the "smile mile".
Fast forward to Wednesday evening after I got home------the daughter sent me a couple of text messages that made me cry.  She told me that she appreciated how I always go the "smile mile" for her and her little family and that she hoped that she would be the same way someday.  I told her that I don't have any doubt about her being the same way because I see it in her.   She also told me that her hubby thinks he is the luckiest guy around to have been brought into our family.  Hey, we feel pretty lucky too.  I guess I said all that to say: When we are being the kind of people God wants us to be, we don't have to put on an act.......it just comes out.
I don't want the people around me to have to wonder about my feelings or intentions.  I want them to know.  Like I said before, I am not perfect and sometimes I mess up, but I do try to make it right.
Now that Wednesday evening I was talking about - it was about time to leave for church when I received a phone call to go talk to someone in the church  ( who also happened to be my friend)  when I could find the time, because someone else had hurt them.  I  did go because this person was my friend and wanted to let her and her husband know that Ritzy and I were there for them.  To me this was more important than going to "church".  In all reality the person/people that should have gone to my friends were the ones who were asking me to go.  I thought to myself - there is something wrong with this picture -  I decided later the next day I was gonna start calling my self "the mop lady"........
I don't know how this is all gonna turn out, but I can say that I did and said everything I could.  I have come to realize that in church a person has to realize that they are ultimately doing their job for the Lord and to not let others get in the way.  A lot of times people in the church like to give a person a job - that no one else wants - and then "micro-manage" the job.  If the church is going to give a person a job or mission to do, then step back and let them do their job  all the while supporting their work and not gossiping or complaining about them or the job they are doing!!!!!   This causes nothing but strife and hurt feelings......
I can almost hear what one person will be telling me as i walk in the doors  tomorrow ---oh, I didn't mean any harm....Well, I am gonna call them on it and say that I am not the one you should be telling this to.  The person who was hurt is the one that needs to hear this from YOU!!!!
Now, it's getting late and I have to get the bulletin ready and study my lesson for Sunday School.
Ritzywife out...........................

This Christmas season has been one of the busiest I have ever experienced.  I thought things were supposed to "slow down" as we get older, just like our bodies do, haha!!!   Not so, I am finding out.  Ever since Thanksgiving it seems I have been going non-stop. 
The daughter and son-in-law left today for home, the son followed to help them transfer stuff from their garage to the storage barn.  Also, to help hang their tv on the wall, and to set up the baby crib.  I was cooking beans and cornbread and the daughter came in my room and said, ahhh you're having beans and cornbread?????  That is one of her favorite meals.  I told her that as soon as her dad got home I could bring the cooked meal to their house and we could all eat together, plus, the two younger guys might need the older guys help, haha!!
We were stopped at Oologah getting gas when the daughter called and asked about a bracelet that someone lost during her wedding in April, she couldn't remember who lost it.  Guess she found it while moving stuff around.........I said, yeah it was mine......My sister had given it to me while I was busy decorating that afternoon and I was so busy that I just put it in the box of decorations.  Well after the wedding decorations were taken down and some discarded I got to looking for that bracelet and could not find it anywhere.   I just assumed that I had thrown it out by mistake and never thought I would see it again.  Well.......I now have that long lost birthday gift.  YIPPEE!!!!!  I called my sister and told her the good news.....she could hardly believe it....I am not gonna let it get away again!!
This family devoured those beans and that cornbread.  What didn't get ate, the daughter wanted for tomorrow.  There wasn't much left, but I gave it all to her.  The guys got the t v hung on the wall while Ritzy sat on the couch and watched.  Keri and I ran to the grocery store to pick up a few items. 
Ritzy and I are now back at home..............alone!!!!!  The son is going to stay there a while to play video games.  It is quiet in Ritzywife's home for now, and I am enjoying it.   I don't want it quiet all the time, mind you........... but sometimes quiet sure sounds good!!
I am thinking about when to take down the Christmas decorations........when the mood strikes is when it will get done and not any sooner.......
It keeps gettting closer to the twin's due date ( if they go to term it is the first week in April), and we are all getting excited.  I just feel for Keri and all she is having to deal with right now.  I have no idea of how uncomfortable she has to be feeling, but it will surely be worth it all to welcome those two precious baby boys into the family.........  My prayer is that she and those babies will stay healthy and have a good delivery.
Don't have any New Year's plans.....we just get together and eat some good food and play games or watch t v at mom's or our house.  New Year's Day we go to Mom & Dad's to eat those black-eyed peas for lunch.
That's about all I can come up with tonite so for now................Ritzywife out!