Posted by: cheryl

Thank goodness.   when we stop learning, we stop growing.   That's what this nimaw thinks anyways.
Yeah, it has been a long while.  I have been a little busy, a little lazy, just depends on the day.....
My ablation is going good.  Ritzy is doing good, the boys and school are doing great, and life is going on..
That granddaughter is coming in May and this Nimaw is so happy.  Everything is going as planned.  
This morning I was reading an article about placing kids in "timeout".  That was never an option when I was a child, because it was unheard of in the 60's.....if ya didn't listen, ya got a spanking and  that was that.  Next thing you know  my generation was raising their kids---if you spanked you risked getting a visit from child services.   We at our home still spanked, but no timeouts.  Now fast forward to our kids raising kids....Here come the timeouts.  They seldom work and everyone is miserable.  I have seen it with my own eyes.
When we expect a 5-6 year old to behave like a teen or adult....we are setting everyone up for failure.  They are behaving exactly as they should daughter hates hearing me say  that.... and no it is not an excuse for their behavior.  It just puts in perspective the reasons they are doing what they do.
A lot of times kids get punishment or discipline ( and no they are NOT the same thing) because of lazy parents not wanting to invest the time and energy needed to raise wholesome mature adults in their kids.  Most of the time the kids ARE  acting their age.  It is us, the adults who are not acting our age....and that is a problem!!  It creates big problems down the road in the life of the child.   When the child misbehaves or disobeys, talk to them about it, ask why they did it and how they think they can avoid it happening again.   AND I MIGHT ADD -  I AM PREACHING TO MYSELF AS WELL!!!
I am guilty!!  This is one thing that becoming a grandparent does to/for you.  It shows the flaws in your own parenting skills and teaches you that kids are a lot smarter than you thought they were.
When we refuse to admit the fact that we could be doing something wrong or have the wrong mindset about a particular idea, we are in for trouble.   I have had to admit to my kids that I could have done things different, or I was wrong about certain ideas and yes even apologized!
It does not make you weak to admit you were wrong, it makes you human.  Only a weak person will never admit they might be wrong!!
Getting back to the "timeout's"......At a time when a child needs someone most  - they are being sent  to a corner, a room, a designated spot to be alone to try to figure out something  they have no way of think about what they should do or should have done to avoid the problem.  It doesn't matter how many times they have heard it......they are too young to understand and grasp!
Instead we should be talking to them, let them be frustrated, cry about it, get their feelings out, even talk to them about what their punishment should be.   A hug sure wouldn't hurt either..... 
YES - their feelings are just as real and valid  as ours!!! 
We have NO right to tell someone ---  "Well, just don't feel that way"
Our feelings are our feelings no matter what!!!
Let your kids express their frustrations, fears, and feelings....because if we don't , they get bottled up and they will come out -  someday somewhere....and it is so sad that this has to ever happen to anyone. 
 Do you want your children to feel like they can trust you and  come to you as they get older and in the frightening teenage years.....then, let them feel like they can come to you now, without your judgment!!!! 
I have heard from my own grandson -  " but mama doesn't know this or that or doesn't care about how I feel about this or that.....while nothing could be further from the truth, this is how he truly feels and his feelings are valid!!!  Taking the time to talk to this child about why he feels this way would prove to him that mama (or whoever) does care about how he feels.... but it's just easier for most parents/adults to pronounce and execute judgment!
Invest time, energy, and yes even money in your kids, people.... it is the most worthwhile and satisfying investment you will ever make!!!
And we better be asking ourselves - is this child being disciplined because of unruly behavior, outright disobedience, or simply because I was inconvenienced by their behavior.  It better NOT be the latter....because, if it is....shame on us!!!
Somewhere the cycle has to be broken or sadly it is going to continue!!
Will I be the one who breaks this nasty cycle??
Ritzywife out.................................................................................................................