Grandparenting is HARD!!!!

Posted by: cheryl

Wow, I never thought I would be writing such a post.   I have learned one of the hardest parts of being a grandparent---saying NO and not feeling guilty about it.....
I guess it has been building for a while now and I just put it off.  Every Wednesday I would have to leave the house by 7:15 (which meant getting up at 6:15) and I would not return home til 4:30-5:00pm.  I then would have to be at church at 6:00 and not get home until 7:30 - 8:00pm.  Made for a L O N G day.  It got so I could not get to sleep on the night before because I was anticipating having to get up so early for such a long day.  I would get 4-5 hours of sleep and expect that to get me thru the next day.   This past wednesday I was exhausted.  Well I found out earlier in the week that the boy's other nana was going to be gone so I assumed I was going to have to take up the slack which meant more added stress.  Then the daughter calls wednesday nite to tell me that "nana" would not be able to watch the boys thursday and that did it for me.  I proceeded to tell her that if I had to watch them thursday then they would not be spending the night that night and everything got quiet.  We started talking and her hubby was afraid we were not going in a good direction but we kept our heads and ended the call on a good note.  Although that call was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
 I want to be mom and ni-maw, for my kids and grandkids 24/7 but i realize that no one can live up to the expectations I put on myself.  I was getting stressed and worn out.  I told my daughter that I could not take up the slack any longer when nana had something else to do.  Told her that I had raised my kids and had no intention of raising my grandkids.  Told her that was her job and she only has a few short years with them until the school system takes over and they are grown.  I have spent the past two years babysitting and it was wearing me down.  I also proceeded to tell her that I was 55 not 26 like her.  I did not have the stamina i had at a younger age.  DO NOT GET ME WRONG HERE --no one could love those two little boys more than their "ni-maw", but I learned even i have my limits. 
Enter--GUILT.  I have been dealing with this all day, thoughts going around in my head thinking --well just suck it up and keep doing what you have been doing, or it's their responsibility now, not mine.  Please realize I love my family and would do anything for them, but i was no good to them if i was not feeling right.  I talked to her tonight and we are trying to decide the best thing.  I am being totally honest with myself and her.  They say "honesty is the best policy", but what they don't tell you is that it hurts like know what :-/
I have prayed/cried/prayed/cried over this tonight because i don't want to leave them in a "pickle"...but on the other hand maybe they need to do something and i really wasn't helping by being so accommodating to their every call.
I told her that Ritzy and I would still love to have them spend the night every other friday or saturday but not on thursday.  Thursdays were just too hard since Ritzy and the son have to get up for work the next day.  The other two days/nights would be wonderful tho.  Did I mention that I love those two little boys and they bring so much joy to my heart but dang it I get tired a lot faster than i used to.
It's gonna take a while to work thru the guilt, I guess that's normal tho.  I only want what is best for my daughter and her family....
I also told her that I did not want to hear about every little argument that she and the hubby had.  i told her I was here to listen if she needed me but that they needed to talk and work out their problems and I needed to know that they could accomplish that.  I also told her that their children needed to see them work together to come to a solution to their differences.
Its time for me to back down a bit and let them figure things out and grow as a family.   One of the hardest things as a parent to me is to let your child make mistakes.  But on the other of the greatest accomplishments as a parent is to see that your child can work thru difficulty without you.  You can be assured that you  have done your job right when this happens!!
With that, Ritzywife is out............................................

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 20, 2014 . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


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